WORLD'S BEST BABY NAMES

01

Gorderroy

If you think of corduroy pants when you hear this name, you’re certainly not alone. The artful combination of Gordon and Roy lends to this name an air of the same quaint, reliable spirit that comes to mind when picturing the fabric, corduroy. This is neither accidental nor unpleasant. If you’re looking for a name that’ll rub everyone the right way, Gorderroy might just be the name for you.

“Hey everyone. Gorderroy brought doughnuts.”

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02

B'Gelt

With deep, guttural beauty running through each of its perfectly chosen letters (not to mention its luxurious apostrophe), B’Gelt is much more than the sum of its individual parts. Some new parents might be inclined to discount this name due to its unusual structure and the somewhat off-putting first impression it tends to give, but those who give it a fair shake all agree: B'Gelt is destined to be a classic.

 

“B'Gelt has trouble focusing and tends to be impatient.”

 

03

D'Krunk

The last sixteen years have been something of a slow burn for names that feature an apostrophe. With the recent appearance of D’Krunk on the naming scene, however, it looks like the next decade or so will be a veritable apostrophic inferno. Where names like P’Dump and T’Perch have used the apostrophe with disappointing results, D’Krunk combines economy and elegance to produce a uniquely punchy bouquet. It should come as no surprise, then, that it’s one of the most popular names of 2017 so far, with over 5,000 babies being named D’Krunk in January and February alone!

 

“No, I’m D’Krunk. B’Gelt is my brother.”

 

04

Pandabags

Nonsensical combinations of English nouns tend to show poorly in the global name market, and many would argue the same should be true of Pandabags. Remarkably, it is not. In fact, Pandabags’ popularity has been growing at an accelerating rate since its 2001 release. At least part of this popularity is due to the name’s flawlessly unisex construction, but that alone can’t account for these numbers. Today, one out of every thousand children is named Pandabags. As for tomorrow, it’s anyone’s guess.

 

“Well, I’ve got Pandabags in the other room, and she says this whole thing was your idea.”

 

05

Derryt

Where similar names have been poisoned by countless crops of mediocre children, Derryt still remains relatively untainted by failure.  While the name has been around since the mid 80s, it is only now beginning to truly shine. In fact, according to Fresh Baby Quarterly, over 80% of this name’s applications have occurred since 2010. With intelligence and melancholy positively bursting at its seams, it’s hard to imagine anyone – parent or child – being anything but pleased with this name.

 

“I’m sorry… Are you saying ‘Derek?’”

 

06

Gorbachad

For Chad lovers who also wish to pay homage to former President of the Soviet Union, Mikhail Gorbachev, this odd duck of a name may well meet your incredibly specific needs. It should be noted, though, that the niche nature of Gorbachad is literally the only drawback to a name that positively forces its way off the tongue. Bursting with sloppy fervour, this name is almost as unique as Gorbachev’s trademark beauty splotch. The buzz in the naming community is that the name may even be gaining popularity amongst people who have never heard of Mikhail Gorbachev, but only time will tell if this is the case.

 

“Why would Gorbachad give me such an expensive gift? I barely know him.”

 

07

Chodi

Every so often, you come across a name whose value is not immediately apparent. Some of these names are just as worthless as they seem: empty, meaningless, boring, etc. Others, if you scratch below their surface, can surprise you with all they have to offer. Chodi, for example, is a rather forgettable variation of Jodi that does very little to excite or tantalize. But don’t be so quick to discount it, because Name Science Magazine has just published an article declaring this name to be nearly impossible to make fun of. Bearing no similarity whatsoever to any dirty words or amusing bits of anatomy, this name will keep your baby safe from ridicule. Do your worst, schoolyard bullies.

 

“Ever since I started dating Chodi, I just can’t get rid of this cold.”

 

08

Miracula

Some names are notable for their ability to straddle lines that have been drawn between established styles. Miracula’s strength is just the opposite, as this new name has both of its elegantly-shoed feet planted firmly in the world of magic and fantasy. The overt reference to “Dracula’ in the second half of the name also lends a healthy dose of menace. Whoever your child ends up being, this name will elevate them to a more mystical plane in the eyes of anyone they meet.

 

"We had to cut our vacation short because Miracula broke her leg.”

 

09

Malaria

A favourite of aging goths who, one can only assume, never quite got over their obsession with the macabre, this name is particularly interesting in that it simply takes an existing word, “malaria,” and alters its pronuncial structure to create something that resembles the word, “ballerina.”  While most would argue that the name’s only possible ancestor is the word ‘malaria’ itself, many cite Maria and Melanie as heavy influences. As the 23rd most popular name in the country last year, Malaria is spreading like…

 

“Malaria says she’s vegan, but she eats meat all the time.”

 

10

Blunch

Though this name obviously bears great similarity to meal-based words like ‘lunch’ and ‘brunch,’ it somehow manages to steer clear of coming off as just a meal reference. In actual fact, Blunch pays most of its royalties to Blanche. By altering Blanche’s only audible vowel, the overall sound of the new name is drastically tightened. Additionally, the removal of Blanche’s decorative ‘E’ is an interesting stylistic choice which strips the name of all of its pretension but none of its elegance.

 

“Everyone, this is Blunch. She lives upstairs.”