Virjonah /vərdʒónə/ (male)

For years the naming public has been calling for a ‘more virginal Jonah.’ With this name’s arrival on the scene, it looks like they’re finally getting their wish. But Virjonah has far more to offer than simply fulfilling this incredibly niche need. While the name is brand new, it has the feel of deep history. Within its three elegant syllables one can smell fine tobacco, leatherbound books, the thick tar of the shipyards, as well as countless other scents of a bygone era. With all this going for it, this name is sure to add apparent depth to even the most shallow of children.

“Virjonah wanted me to inform you all that he farted while he was preparing your salad. It shouldn’t affect the taste, but he thought you should know.”