Rumblethorpe /rə́mbəlθɔ́rp/ (male)

If your child grows up to be anything but an MMA fighter, choosing to name them Rumblethorpe will have been a mistake. For the shy, weak, and awkward, this name can only be a burden, a tastelessly ironic joke at their expense. Despite being afflicted by this not-insubstantial drawback, Rumblethorpe is still enjoying great success in the first half of 2015. This is because this may be the perfect name for career pugilists, and many parents are willing to gamble on their child’s ability to live up to it. Because so few people can make a career out of violence, however, we recommend that parents choosing this name pick a less aggressive middle name for the child, allowing them an alternative if necessary.

“Sorry. Rumblethorpe can’t come out to play right now. He’s sitting in the corner thinking about what he did.”