Pubert /pjúbərt/ (male)

It’s a wonder humanity waited until 2013 to discover this utterly majestic name. At the rate this gem is being adopted (NameStats.gov claims a new baby receives this name an average of once every 20 minutes!), it’s clear we were good and ready for it to finally come along. Given the crystal-clear reference to a human being’s most awkward developmental stage, there is no mistaking this name’s origin. By aligning itself so definitively with pubescence, the name carries an air of longing during childhood and humble sentimentality in adulthood. It is only during actual puberty that there are any drawbacks to the name at all, and these can be effectively mitigated through good parenting and anti-bullying legislation. The female version, “Puberta,” has yet to catch on with the same virility.

“If you ask me, Pubert did that shit on purpose.”