Nascarl /nǽskɑ̀rl/ (male)

Sponsored names have been making a serious comeback this season, with names like Wal-Martin, Safewayne, and Panasonicholas positively flooding the market. Amidst this fierce competition, Nascarl is quickly roaring to the front of the pack. Aside from being an unusually palatable instance of this type of corporate hackery, what sets Nascarl apart from its peers is the uniquely lucrative deal NASCAR is offering to any parents willing to choose this name for their baby boy. The initial $5000 naming bonus alone would be enough to draw many parents in, but the company is also breaking new ground by offering a small yearly allowance for as long as the child is alive and using the name, with additional bonuses available for children who set themselves apart through personal achievements or fame. We must caution parents, however, about letting money be your sole guide when choosing a name.

“There’s something monstrous in Nascarl’s eyes.”